How to Own Your Success as a Woman Leader
Here’s a truth that many of us face as women leading businesses or nonprofits: people sometimes underestimate what we’re building. They may see the results without knowing the work that goes into it, or worse, they may assume our efforts are just “small” projects rather than real, meaningful work.
My friend and fellow woman business owner, Kelly Hernandez, recently ran into “Chris”, a man she’s known for years who commented on her “little businesses.” The comment knocked the wind out of her - so much so that she ended up sharing about the experience on social media. This “little businesses” comment seemed to upset her as a business owner and she couldn’t understand how a man who she has known for a long time, looking at all she’s achieved, somehow missed it.
Here’s what I wish I could let Kelly and other women leaders know:
These moments can make you question yourself and wonder if you’re showing up the way you intend. But they’re also opportunities to remember why you’re here and why you’ve built what you have. Here’s what I’ve learned about owning your success and pushing forward, regardless of the commentary.
Building Self-Esteem Through Action
When I started Talbott Talent, I faced my own share of self-doubt. This was sometimes fueled by well-meaning colleagues who couldn’t quite understand the vision of a nonprofit recruiting firm, and perhaps questioned it more because it was led by a woman. But I didn’t wait around for anyone else’s approval. I took action and set out to build a firm that could stand on its own merit. And this is one of the best ways I’ve found to strengthen self-esteem: taking action that aligns with your values, rather than waiting for validation from others.
Sometimes, it’s as simple as owning up to a mistake and making it right, or it’s giving back in a way that goes beyond your job title. Aligning our actions with our purpose grounds us and reminds us that our worth isn’t based on someone else’s perspective; it’s based on our integrity, impact, and the way we show up for ourselves and others.
What I’ve learned, and often remind my clients of, is that self-esteem is built one choice at a time. Every time we act on our own terms and values, we send a powerful message to ourselves: I am enough, and I am moving forward.
Surround Yourself with People Who “Get It”
When the “Chrises” of the world get you down, reach out to the people who truly see you or family members who know and care about you. I have friends I can call anytime to remind me why I’m doing what I do and why it matters. These friends don’t hesitate to list the things they see in me when I can’t see them myself. Because sometimes, when we’re too close, we need a reminder of the bigger picture we’re creating.
Know What You’re Building and Be Proud of It
A few years back, I reconnected with an old mentor, “Steve,” a nonprofit CEO I’d long respected. I called to share the progress I’d made with Talbott Talent, expecting he’d be excited to hear how we have flourished. Instead, he asked, “Do nonprofits actually pay for CEO searches?” Then he followed up with, “So what are you doing for regular work?”
This was offensive considering Talbott Talent was already placing candidates nationwide, building partnerships with national associations, and transforming the nonprofit sector. That conversation reminded me that other people’s doubts don’t define us. Today, Talbott Talent is a leader in nonprofit recruiting. We’re growing quickly, and I’m incredibly proud of our impact. But that pride came from knowing my worth first, not from waiting for someone else to see it.
Don’t Let Others Define Your Success
We all have stories like Kelly’s or mine - moments that can shake us if we let them. One male search committee chair once asked if a female candidate could really handle an executive role. I calmly replied, “Yes” in a way that left no room for doubt. Here’s the truth: success isn’t about proving something to the “Chrises” or “Steves” of the world. It’s about knowing what you’re building, why you’re building it, and celebrating the impact you’re making.
As women, we’re not just leading businesses or nonprofits; we’re setting new standards for what leadership looks like. So here’s to all the women making things happen. You’re doing big things, and your work matters. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
